Overcoming problems of motivation to meditate

I never planned this.

But since I’m teaching meditation, and since the Internet is kind of anonymous, I get emails where people are very revealing about their personal lives with the hopes that the Instant Advanced Meditation course can help.

The other day I received an incredibly heartfelt email from a woman who described various physical and mental challenges.  And then she said, “I know that meditation can help, but even though I know that, I just can’t seem to motivate myself to meditate. What do you suggest?”

You may have a similar experience. Maybe you feel better when you meditate, but weeks can go by without you ever stopping to do it. And then you wonder why you wouldn’t do something you know that makes you feel better.

Maybe for you it’s not meditation where this happens, but exercise and diet — that was my story for a dozen years. When I was young, I was in great shape. I was an All-America gymnast and avid bike rider (I didn’t even own a car, but rode everywhere).

But after an accident that required knee surgery, I quickly put on 35 pounds. And for the next 12 years, I kept saying that I wanted to lose weight and get back into shape… but it never happened.

Between that situation in my life, and then the thousands of people I’ve talked to about meditation, I discovered some shocking things about motivation.

In a way, what I’m about to share is a “bad news, worse news, surprising news” story.

  1. The bad news: You can’t fake it. Either you’re motivated or your not. End of story.  Which brings us to…
  2. The worse news: You can’t create motivation, either. That is, you can’t trick yourself into being motivated. And any “techniques” you use to “motivate yourself” will eventually stop working because, again, you can’t fake it or create it.And once the techniques stop working, there are 2 typical responses: either looking for yet another motivation technique (that, guess what, won’t work in the long run either), or concluding that there’s something wrong or bad about you that you won’t do this thing that you say you want to do.

    But this isn’t really bad news, because of …

  3. The surprising news: Lack of Motivation isn’t the actual problem. What people call “lack of motivation” is actually an important signal pointing to a whole different phenomenon. And once you address the REAL issue, motivation simply isn’t a problem. Let’s take a look.

What I’ve found is that “lack of motivation” is really pointing to one of a few other issues:

  • That the benefits we get from meditating simply aren’t compelling enough. Can you remember a time where you really, really needed to take some action — maybe to get rent money, or save a relationship, or get help for yourself or someone who was injured? The imagined future (where you got rent money, or salvaged a relationship, or found help) was compelling enough to make you take action without having to think about motivation. In fact, you may not have thought much at all, just acted.
  • That the technique itself isn’t interesting/compelling enough to do it for its own sake (regardless of any benefits). Think about something you really enjoy doing (and, hey, watching TV or going to the movies is a fine thing to use for this example). Do you need to motivate yourself to do it? Of course not. You like doing it, so you do it. Simple.
  • And here’s the one that’s most interesting to me: That our motivation is often based on the painful idea that there’s something wrong with ourselves that needs to be fixed.

    See, if you think that something is wrong with you, or that some imagined future is salvation, then whatever technique you’re using to fix yourself or find salvation will reminds you that something is wrong with you… and that’s a supremely stressful thought/feeling to have!

    By the way, the belief  “something is wrong with me” is not stressful because it’s true! If you imagined sucking on a lemon, you get sour “lemon-sucking” feelings. If you imagine that something is wrong with you, you get stressful “something is wrong with me” feelings. That’s it.

    When I believed that meditation would fix what was wrong with me, it’s not surprising that I wanted to avoid meditation, because meditating would remind me of the painful belief/experience that there was something wrong.

    In this case, “lack of motivation” is really a healthy desire to avoid doing something unpleasant, namely, reminding myself that there’s something wrong with me.

So, what’s the solution?

Bypass the whole motivation issue entirely.

For me what happened was that I lost the ability to believe there was something wrong with me. That led to stopping my long-time meditation practice (why meditate in order to fix myself if I didn’t think I needed to be fixed?). But after that, I was still curious about the mind and happiness. And from my continued investigation, I ended up developing these unusual meditation techniques that bypassed the first two issues, above.

The practices themselves were fun and interesting enough to do for their own sake.

And the benefits were compelling enough to make me want to do them.

And, more than that, the practices could be done anywhere, any time, and generate results in just minutes. I’d find that, quite spontaneously, I’d simply get the urge to do one of these meditations. Sometimes just for a few moments while I was waiting for a traffic light to change. Sometimes I’d just feel like it was time to to go enjoy one of the practices for 20 or 30 minutes.

More importantly, now that hundreds of people have experienced these techniques, they report the same thing (it wouldn’t be meaningful if it was just me! ;-) ) — that they don’t worry about motivation, but simply find themselves getting the urge to do one of the practices wherever they happen to be. And they can reliably experience deep meditative states without having to change their daily schedule, or escape into a corner for 20-60 minutes.

And many of them have found they no longer think of themselves as “self-improvement projects.”

What do you think? Leave your comment, below.

7 Responses to “Overcoming problems of motivation to meditate”

  1. Stephen
    This is a very thought provoking article. I not totaly convinced by the “can’t fake it” idea. I think the sub-concious is very easily persuaded to believe “a lie” and we can spend a life time doing things out of habit. I like the point you make about lack of motivation being a pointer to another issue, especially the one about there being something wrong with us.
    Andy
    ps. I really like the colours and textures of you site.

  2. Hi Stephen,

    Great analysis of meditation “lack of motivation”. I agree, it’s pointing to something rather than being the issue itself. I think you’ve hit the nail on the head with your three possibilities, I can relate to each of them! Knowing I can benefit by doing shorter, in the flow of the day techniques, feels much lighter and more possible. I just hope these techniques prove fruitful. I see that I’m a little bit “all of nothing” and feel that if I can’t “do it right” I shouldn’t do it at all. Maybe this will redefine “doing it right”, and allow me to take a new approach.

    Namaste,
    Michele

  3. Hi Stephen,

    I believe that “lack of motivation” is an indication of another issue, but people can and do “fake things” or pretend to do something. I have been lead to believe that there is no right or wrong when it come to meditation and people do it without even realizing it. Kind of like self hypnosis. Great article.
    Linda

  4. I too have seen myself at times as something I need to fix..you name it I’ve done it from therapy to reiki and everything in between and its a heavy burden to carry.
    So now my motivation is to let that burden go.

  5. Hi Steven –
    Love the website!
    I believe I’m highly qualified to comment on this question of self-motivation as I have spent my whole life trying to be my ideal of who I’d like to be, making resolutions to do this or that (training, diet, education, reading, studying, meditation techniques, working out, etc.), believing that if I practiced those things long enough and with enough dedication, I would surely become this ideal person I wanted to be. Of course, you’ve guessed it, eventually I ran out of enthusiasm or inspiration and gave up. Each time I gave up, I renewed my fervent intention to ‘get back to it’, and some of those things I did but many I did not. Can you imagine how I beat myself up? Yes. I believe you can.
    I can truly say to you that the turning point for me was when I tried out your instant recognition techniques. At the same time I discovered Byron Katie and ‘Loving what is’. Since that time I’ve given up all ‘trying’ and simply remain with what is, accepting myself the way I am right now, sometimes loving it, sometimes not, but simply noticing whatever is ‘showing up’. This morning, instead of a meditation technique I felt to read Walt Whitman’s ‘Song of Myselt’. He says it all. So, my heartfelt thanks to you for your precious gift, Steven and love to all.

  6. Hi Steven!

    I haven´t analyzed the lack of motivation so much, but I think it is like you say, that if something is fun or interesting we will do it.

    For me I have come to point in my understanding that it is not really anything to do or somwhere to go. I will allways be within myself anyway. The truth is that this seeking creates suffering and non-acceptance of reality. So for me my practice is now about discover my own mind because I find its so fascinating and also to practice “let go” of thoughts, stories and dwell more in the now. Because there is the only place to find deep peace. And I don´t have to create peace, just let go of analyzing, thinkining, solving, stories etc.
    Another way is to emerge with the awareness by seeking who is thinking or seeking the seeker.

    So instead of struggling to change the stories about me, it is much more fun to realize it is just a story. And this keep my motivation going.

    And it is not about improving myself or changing stories. Meditation for me is about strengthing the awareness muscle, and being with the experience in the now without judging. And of course looking into my mind to see how everything operates.

    Buddhistic methods are really helpful to do this. I think it is typically westernern thing to think that there is something wrong with them. It is more fun to look into the mind and try to find “who is thinking this thought?”.

    Love Carina

  7. Very nice article. it has motivated me to meditate. let’s see how quickly i can make it a habit :)

    Thanks.

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